Handing all the little details that accompany your wedding can be a real chore. Of course everything should be focused on you and your groom, but that doesn’t mean you can lose your cool and handle your bridesmaids without tact. Your bridesmaids aren’t your servants, and treating them like such won’t get you anywhere. First and foremost, the women you have chosen to be your bridesmaids are special to you in some way, so treat them with appreciation and grace; they’re giving up a lot to make your big day perfect, too. Here are some things you shouldn’t ever say to your bridesmaids.

1. You’re Wearing This Dress And That’s That

You probably have a pretty good idea of what you want your bridesmaids’ dresses to look like, but that doesn’t mean you have to lay it down to your bridesmaids as though it is the law and you are the sheriff. Instead, let your bridesmaids choose from one of several styles in a range of prices so that no one has to spend more than they’re comfortable with and everyone can choose the style of dress that is most flattering and in which they feel the most comfortable. Let your bridesmaids try on a variety of dresses in your preferred color and have them choose, while gently guiding their choices to present a cohesive look.

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