There are things you should never say to your husband no matter how angry you get. This is not just for Christian woman in marriage, but every woman with morals. Words are like an egg, once it drops, there’s no putting it back together.
Every woman will get angry and lose it at some point because these men aren’t perfect. But in all of these, there are things never to say to your husband. This is because these words go out, and fulfill their mission which is to bruise and maim. This, in turn, causes irreparable damage that no amount of apologies can clean, leading to resentments.
We advise couples to be civil and communicate when one party gets offended the other. This is a great way to foster love, harmony, and respect for each other. But while at it, see stuff you should never say to your husband.
1. Don’t impose (“Do this because I said so!”)
This is a very selfish attitude. You’re not only treating him as a juvenile who has no say. You’re also telling him that it’s all about you, and you care not about his opinions. He feels harassed, unsafe, and drained because he lives his life according to your whims. He keeps giving and giving, and you don’t care to reciprocate. “Do this because I said so!” is something never to say to your husband. One day, he’d have enough and retaliate. And you may not like the outcome.
2. Don’t remind (“You always do”)
The line “you always do this” is one of the things you should never say to your husband. This is you trying to tell him that he’s beyond redemption from his habits. You’re telling him he can’t do better, and that hurts.
Learn to treat every issue and error independently. Focus on it and resolve it fully. Do not go back to the past and bring up issues long forgotten. That is a vindictive attitude that will make your husband resent you. Whenever you’ve treated an issue between the two of you, keep it in the past. Move on and never rehash it no matter what happens.
3. Don’t be aggressive
You’ll always fight, it’s a given and it’s healthy. But the moot point is not in the fights, but how you fight. Aggression solves nothing. And when you’re unhappy, and your husband asks, you say “it’s fine”. This in itself is another kind of hostility called “passive aggression”. And it’s one of the top five things never to say to your husband.
It culminates to sweeping matters under the carpet which is dangerous. It tells your husband that you’re scared to talk to him, or you don’t trust him. Talk, come open, communicate, thrash issues and move on.
4. Don’t critique destructively
Criticism is great when it’s healthy. When you critique in love, it becomes an encouragement which spurs them on to be better. But there’s is the destructive criticism, and it becomes constant, that your spouse never does anything right.
“Oh common, don’t be stupid”, “Are you deliberately obtuse?”, “Who does that!”. These are things never to say to your husband. You’re a team, and you should be his biggest cheerleader. You should be his safe haven even when he gets every other thing wrong. Constant critiquing lowers the self-esteem of any man and anyone.
5. Don’t threaten to leave (Divorce)
Unless you’ve searched within yourself, made your inquiries and decided, never threaten to leave. Not even in a spate of anger or in jest, this is something you should never say to your husband. It sends a message that your marriage does not count for anything and you can ditch it anytime.
You tell your husband that you have a foot in and another out. You simply don’t care, and it will be easy for you to give up on it. This creates a feeling of uncertainty, rejection, and insecurities with the really sensitive men, the marriage won’t be the same.
6. Don’t be insensitive (Dismissing feelings)
The word “whatever” is not a fancy word, and should never feature in marriage. When your spouse is quite disgruntled about something, and you try to know what’s going on, do so with love. But in the case where he’s not ready to talk, do either of two things. Sit with him, hold his hands and say nothing. You may also give him a tight hug, a wide smile and let him be. At his time, he’ll spill to you.
Saying “whatever” is an insensitive dismissal. You’re passing a message to him that he’s sulking. That is not right.
7. Don’t compare (“You’re just like…”)
Making comparisons about your husband in a negative light is something you should never do. “Why can’t you be better, you’re just like your father!”. This is an accusation and he will react to it defensively. All remorse he felt for whatever he did vanishes. This is because making such comparisons objectified and emasculates him.
It confines him to that character and he feels helpless that he can’t do better. So, he’d either go cold turkey on you or fight back. Whichever his reaction is, you just succeeded in building a ditch between you two.
8. Don’t bruise (Calling him a liar)
It is better to work with facts than feelings here because trust is essential. When you’re having trouble taking in something your spouse is saying, ask for elaboration. Tell them that you do not have a grasp of what they’re saying, and ask for the full story. This is more tactical than outrightly calling him a liar. This is one of the things you should never say to your husband.
In a marriage relationship, trust is essential. And if you call him a liar, you are saying you don’t trust him. This can bruise and leave a deeper hurt.
9. Don’t belittle
Tact is a word that cannot be overemphasized on this topic. Everyone has rights and is free to do or say what they will. But we must ask, what effect would it have on the recipient? Can we take it if the roles were truly reversed?
Belittling your husband is one of the worst things you can do to him. “Ewww, you’ve gained some pounds”, “Is that all you can afford?”, “You can’t stop me!” Words like these belittle and lead to a ripple effect of anger, resentments, bile, and low self-esteem. That’s saying he’s not good enough.
10. Don’t control their reactions
You tell your husband things like “it’s not that serious”, “common now… ” These are things you should never say to your husband. You are doing it to calm him down, but you’ll get the opposite. He’d become angrier, more emotional, disruptive and may be abusive. He’s not a kid, and when you doing that, it is equal to making him feel like he’s throwing a tantrum.
He deserves to be well heard, so let him vent, listen as he pours out his mind. People react to things differently, so never try to control his reaction to things. It will make him hide his vulnerable side from you.
For a happy and long-lasting marriage, we’ve outlined some things you should never say to your husband. This is not excusing the fact that you may be right. But tact and wisdom play a huge role in dealing with another human. Speak to edify and not destroy the esteem of your husband. And if you’re a Christian woman in marriage, even better for you, and the Holy book is your watchword. Above are ten pieces of advice we hope will help you on this journey. We wish you all the best.