When you’re getting married and say “’til death does us part,” you’re not talking about until you kill him with harsh words and nagging. There are some things you should just never say to your husband. It’s your job to stand by his side when things are rough. As a wife, one of the best things you can do for the longevity of your marriage is to stop making acerbic remarks and being condescending. Here are some hurtful things you shouldn’t ever say to your future hubby.
1. “Well, It Might Have Been A Little Bigger…”
Whatever you do, never say to your husband that any of your exes have any advantages over him. This goes for the size of the engine in his car, his level of education, his bank account, and especially not his naughty bits! Even if your hubby knows your ex-has a bigger…whatever…he shouldn’t be hearing it from you.
2. “What’s Your Problem?”
This phrase said in a joking and fun manner is one thing, but saying it with a condescending tone and disgusted facial expression is effectively like cutting off your hubby’s manhood. If you’re going to utter these words, make sure it’s understood that you’re joking; this is something you should never say to your husband seriously; it shuts down communication between you. If he’s forgotten or neglected to complete a task, try to frame your thoughts constructively; like, “I know it was a mistake, but when you don’t do the things I ask you to, it feels like you’re not listening to me and I don’t matter very much to you. Next time, can you please try harder to remember?”
3. “Sex? Ugh, No Way!”
When he asks for some couple time, you should never say to your husband that you’d rather boil in oil than having sex; how you handle his request can make all the difference for both of you. It’s perfectly acceptable to not want to have sex every time he asks, but don’t be mean about it. Instead of a flat rejection, eye rolling or angry huffs and sighs, simply say, “I’d love to but I’ve had a horrible day and would really love it if you could just hold me and love me for a while.” Give him a hug and kiss and snuggle down with him.
4. “That Was the Best Ever!” (When it Really Wasn’t)
Being intimate means not telling little fibs about how good sexy time was when it really wasn’t so great. If you’re going to be happy together, you’ve got to get in sync, sexually. Don’t lie and tell him you’ve had an orgasm; don’t fake it! If you’re not satisfied in the bedroom, it begins to leak into other areas of your marriage, too. Do yourself and your husband a favor: be honest with him about what makes you feel good. If you aren’t sure, don’t be afraid to ask him to help you explore; he’ll be glad to help and you’ll have a stronger relationship.
5. “How Pathetic!”
This is a hurtful thing to say to anyone, let alone the man you’re madly in love with; learning to communicate well means learning things you should never say to your husband. Let him know you’re disappointed, but do it in a respectful, adult manner.
6. “What Could You Have Been Thinking?!”
When your hubby makes a mistake in handling some situation and it causes problems later, it’s your job to listen and be supportive. When he shares something like that with you, he wants your compassionate support. Don’t give him a dressing down about how badly he handled the situation; instead, wait for him to ask your opinion before you start offering suggestions (gently). Avoid treating him as though he is a failure. For him, the problem is not a laughing matter; respect that. Offer suggestions as to how you might have tried handling the problem with statements such as, “If I were in that situation, I might have tried this.”Remember that you love him, and let that guide your actions and responses. Don’t criticize; empathize.
7. “Really? That’s ALL You Bothered to Do?”
Ideally, your hubby would know exactly what you wanted without you having to spell it out for him. However, that’s usually not the way it works. If you’ve got expectations for your husband, be kind enough to tell him what they are…nicely! You can’t just assume he knows you want him to take the trash out if you haven’t said it. Instead of being quiet and disappointed, state your expectations (nicely!) and ensure you’re both on the same page.
He may offer to fold the laundry, but his definition of “folding the laundry” may be different from yours. If your definition includes putting the laundry away after it’s folded, make sure you ask him to please do that when he’s done the folding. Do it nicely and with a kiss, and he’ll do the chore to your expectations; no misunderstandings or disappointment. If he manages to do a poor job (you might have to teach him your definition of “folding”), remember that he tried. Appreciate his effort and thank him for it. Guys aren’t born “perfect husbands”; you have to train them!