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Top 30 Best Man Speech Jokes In 2018


So you find that your best friend is getting married, and for sure, you are his best man. There is no best man without a speech at the wedding. Also, the best man speech is not complete without a few jokes for the eager audience.

Therefore, while writing a speech for such an occasion, you might need some help with your best man speech jokes.

Well, never fear, we have some ideas here that could help you roast the groom in just the right way on his wedding day.

What Toasts Does The Best Man Give?

One way to end a perfect best man’s speech is with a toast to the newlyweds. With the toast, you can simply go the traditional route, and ask everyone to raise their glasses and drink to the happy couple. Or, as a fun and creative best man, you could personalize the toast and come up with some lines of your own.

The Best Jokes Examples

Source: tanyavolt via Instagram

The best jokes for a speech are just the right amount of funny, so not too hard and not too soft on the groom. Nothing copied from the maid of honor speech, something totally original; well, unless you decide to use a sample from some that we have listed below. Which in our book is no crime, as any well prepared best man would need ideas to help fuel his jokes.

  • I do have to say though [GROOM] just how lucky you are. You will leave here today with a wife who is warm, loving and caring. And [BRIDE], how lucky you are as well. You leave here today having gained a lovely dress and a wonderful bouquet of flowers.

  • Now I did ask for a microphone but was told one wasn’t available. So if you can’t hear me at the back, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you’re not missing out on anything.

  • I recognize my place here; a best man is similar to a dead body at a funeral. Of course, you are expected to be there but if you say too much, then people start freaking out.

  • You have no idea how much I’ve been looking forward to today. After all the time I’ve been friends with [GROOM], he has at long last admitted that I am in fact the best man.

  • Good evening, ladies, family, and friends. I’m very happy to preside over the only five minutes of the day [BRIDE] didn’t plan.

  • It has been such an emotional day; even the cake is in tiers.

  • We’ve now reached the point in the proceedings when we all get to see the groom shift uncomfortably in his seat and grip the tablecloth. That’s right. I’ve been asked to give him the drinks’ bill.

  • Well, I do hope that [BRIDE] and [GROOM] enjoy their honeymoon in Barbados. I assume that’s where they’re going anyway… When I asked [GROOM] what he was doing after the wedding, he said he was going to Bangor for a fortnight.

  • Loyal, caring, sincere, honest, a great man… but that’s enough about me, I’m here to give a speech about [GROOM]!

  • The bride and groom have asked that I don’t talk about [GROOM’S] mishaps, mistakes, embarrassing moments or ex-girlfriends. So thanks for listening everyone, that’s it from me!

  • I read somewhere the perfect best man speech should last as long as it takes for the Groom to make love. So ladies and gentlemen, please raise a glass to the happy couple!

  • Please keep clapping and cheering to a minimum. I’m terribly hungover. I know, you shouldn’t drink the night before a wedding ceremony, but I couldn’t very well let the groom drink alone, could I?

  • Hi everyone, I’m [BEST MAN], I’m the best man – although I think I was picked by default since the groom doesn’t really have any other friends.

  • I can only say in my defense that [GROOM] and I share a common sense of humor so if this speech is in anyway unfunny, please feel free to blame [GROOM].

  • I have no problem admitting to you all that I’m extremely nervous right now. And as the people sitting near the front of the room can attest, it is actually possible to smell fear.

  • Now, before I start, the hotel manager has asked me to request that, for reasons of health and safety, none of you get up on top of the chairs and tables during my standing ovation.

  • I’ve been instructed to keep this speech smut-free, so if I come across any innuendo, I’ll whip it out immediately.

  • I’m going to keep this speech like [GROOM] – short and not very funny.

  • So where do I start with [GROOM]? Well, for starters he’s handsome, witty, intelligent, he’s charm…sorry…[GROOM] I’m having trouble reading your handwriting. You can tell me the rest later.

  • For those of you who don’t know me, my name is [BEST MAN] and for those of those who do know me…I apologize. My full name is actually ‘[BEST MAN]-would-you-like-a-drink’. For those of you who I chat to in the bar later, I’d appreciate it if you could use my full name.

  • Loyal, caring, sincere, honest, a great man… but that’s enough about me, I’m here to give a speech about [GROOM]!

  • I don’t believe in roasting the groom on his special day. Therefore this speech won’t contain anything embarrassing or controversial about [GROOM]. Instead, I’ll refer only to the kind, funny side of his character. Thank you and goodnight.

  • Firstly I’d like to say I’m very nervous about making this speech. In fact, this must be the third time today that I’ve stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.

  • As part of my research, I discovered that according to tradition I am supposed to sing the groom’s praises and tell you all about his many good points. Well, I’m very sorry but I can’t sing and I won’t lie.

  • We all know the bride is a wonderful lady who deserves the perfect guy. Too bad you don’t always get what you deserve.

  • I didn’t really know where to start so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours, I’d found some really, really good stuff. But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech.

  • Being asked to be someone’s best man is like being called up for jury duty. You don’t really want to do it but know you have to. You’re made to dress in a suit and pretend to be an upstanding member of the community. The only difference is I didn’t have a say if the life sentence passed earlier today.

  • [BRIDE] please put your left-hand flat on the table. [GROOM] please place your hand on top of hers. Enjoy this moment [GROOM] because it’s the first and last time in your marriage that you’ll have the upper hand.

  • I’d also like to congratulate [GROOM] on a truly magnificent speech. I always knew it would be hard to follow and I was right, I could hardly follow a word of it.

  • All those amongst you who know [BRIDE] well will know that she is a wonderful and caring person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God [GROOM] married her before she found one.

Click HERE to download helpful examples!

Jokes To Avoid In Your Speech

Source: shaunpeters1988 via Instagram

While the right type of jokes is great for wedding speeches, there are a few tips for jokes to avoid while giving you the best man speech. Keep the jokes clean and void of cuss words. Also, try to avoid in-jokes that your audience would not understand.

The job of a best man at a wedding can be quite interesting, but also weighed down with responsibilities, and the best man speech is a vital part. If you keep your speech under a few minutes, and not too short either and align your best man speech jokes correctly, you should be fine.

Also, remember to close with a sweet wedding toast to the happy couple.