Two humans coming together in the name of love is no easy feat. You both have different backgrounds, orientations, ideas, and outlooks on life. Hence, doubts about marriage are bound to pop up, especially where you can see red flags. You ask yourself if he’d cheat, beat you, lose interest in you, etc.wedding doubts
Every sane person gets married with the hope that it’s for a lifetime. So, it’s wise to unpack and settle all wedding doubts before signing the dotted lines. Some might be basic and others could be serious. But whatever your doubts before marriage, we have broken everything down to help you.
Frequently Asked Questions
The Difference between Marriage Doubts and Relationship Doubts
Marriage and relationship partnerships are quite unique, hence, the concerns are different. See the differences and how to handle them.
In a relationship, there’s no legal commitment yet, while marriage is already legally bound. It is easy to walk away from doubts and red flags in relationships but marriage will require interventions and due process. However, both can stem doubts. For instance, the possibility of your partner getting attracted to someone else might cause doubt in a relationship. But in marriage, there are issues of sexual satisfaction, not getting along with family, comparisons after childbirth, etc.
The solution here is communication, compromise, and trust. Have this talk with your partner and hope that they’re honest. Trust their word and agree on a healthy compromise. Keep being the best version of yourself and keep the faith.
One of the biggest causes of doubts in marriage is comparison. Let’s look at some of them.
Comparing Your Spouse To Another Person#1
Comparing your spouse to another person will not only raise doubts but erode their self-esteem. For instance, you see a man in his power suit, all chiseled out or a man sees a fit woman in the gym and compares. That’s wrong! Human uniqueness is in our differences, so we can’t all be alike. If you love a woman at the gym, get your wife into the gym. If you love a man in nice suits, buy them for your man.
As a spouse, be intentional about amplifying your partner’s strengths while working with them on their weaknesses. No one has it all together.
Comparing Your Marriage to Someone Else’s#2
The beginning of a failed marriage is comparison because it’s the killer of joy. Do you want a destination wedding or a woman that gives you breakfast in bed because your friend’s wife does? Do you want an 18-carat yearly diamond ring because your friend’s husband does the same for his wife? This can lead to doubts and subsequent breakdowns.
Contentment and understanding is the guiding principle here. Understand that your preferences differ from your financial capability. Secondly, it is about you and your partner, not your friends or family. Your partner’s wellbeing, comfort, peace of mind, and protection should come before material pleasures. When you understand this, contentment and originality will follow.
Doubting the Future of Your Marriage
The future is a reason for cold feet with many couples. See why and what you can do about it.
Should I Get Married If I See Red Flags?
The answer is dependent on what you consider a deal-breaker. This is an honest talk to have. If the red flag a threat to life, abuse in any form, a behavioral anomaly, etc. You must unpack them and grade them by severity, then check your threshold for accepting them. If it’s not something you can deal with, don’t get married because you cannot change an adult.
What If The Spark Goes Out In Our Marriage?
The spark going out of your marriage is a valid wedding doubt. However, you could talk about it with your spouse and devise a means to keep the fire burning. Create activities, switch up routines and everything will be fine. Also, remember that it won’t be always rosy, but you will come out strong.
How Do I Know Who To Marry?
Look beneath the perfection to discover the person’s essence. Are they kind to you and others? Do their ideals complement yours? Do you have the same beliefs where they matter? Do they push you to be better? Are they a competitor or team player? The questions can’t be exhausted. But decide on the things that mean the most to you and check how your partner complements them.
Common Doubts From Real Weddings
For many couples, the development of a relationship in a marriage causes stress or even fear. This happens for many reasons including the stress of starting a family that marriage brings, the uncertain financial future but also the connection between two different families, the bride and the groom, who often do not have the best relationship between them.
Especially after the entry of Covid-19 into our lives, we have seen many couples separate months or weeks before the wedding. The incarceration for months but also the suspension of work brought financial problems to the couples and the change of lifestyle showed social distance.
As a result, couples who had already started their wedding preparations became anxious with all the new measures and developments and doubted whether it made sense to get married and start a family, whether it was right to spend so much money on one party for so many guests or if it will be possible to safely celebrate their wedding day.
In this case, I tried to help my couples starting from the guest list. I recommended that we become smaller with the couple’s nearest and dearest. The wedding budget was reduced, the design became more special, as they wanted from the beginning but their budget did not allow it, and the measures were much easier to observe among a few guests.
Thus, they managed to have a more special destination wedding with people they love very much and want to share memories with. An intimate celebration is the best way to start your life together without stress and with great optimism. The money was invested in what was important to the couple with an emphasis on details, something that helped them to avoid the initial doubts and thoughts of canceling the wedding. For us, it was all about showing to the couples that having a destination minimony does not mean that you will lose from the overall style and atmosphere. An intimate wedding simply means fewer guests, not a lesser experience.
The doubt of starting a family goes away when everything else is solved with practical solutions and it remains to see the person you have been with for so long, the reasons you love him/her every day, and how you feel when you are with him/her. I give practical solutions when it comes to wedding planning and so couples have time to commit to each other and not argue over trivial reasons due to stress and lack of time.
To avoid doubts about your marriage do not discuss with third parties your plans, the money you want to spend, or the style of the wedding you desire. Many times the opinions of our friends or relatives create doubts about things that we are sure of because of their own point of view but also because we do not share the same needs or expectations. Stay in the original plan and discuss it only with each other as you do with everything else about your relationship. Leave the rest to your wedding planner.
Main points to avoid when you’re doubting
If you want to be free from wedding doubts, here are some things to do.
- Choose your spouse
Be deliberate about the kind of spouse you choose. You do this for you and the family you’d raise. Ensure that they’re someone you can walk with through high and low in peace and love. They have to be someone you trust, believe in, and root for. This energy should also be reciprocated.
- Recognize the comparisons you do make
Comparisons can become deal-breakers. So if you have to make a comparison, identify them in advance as what you can or cannot cope with. Do not marry a person who doesn’t tick the most important boxes so you don’t become resentful.
- Replace comparisons with good things about your spouse
For every weakness you think your spouse has, there is a strength. Magnify their strengths and let them know about them. They have to be your best person.
- Change yourself
Reinvent yourself! This goes a long way to make you more attractive to everyone, not just your spouse. Get that degree, take care of yourself, start that business, shun gossip, envy, and other vices. Speak only good about yourself and others. Keep the company of progressive minds and you’ll find greatness rubbing off on you.
- Serve your spouse
Once you have a good spouse, they become your priority. They deserve your loyalty, love, and commitment before anyone else. Take care of them as they do you. When you’re in tune with each other, doubts will never arise.
Doubts in marriage are common and normal. But you can keep them at bay with the right information and state of mind. We’ve put down thoughts on the common doubts and how to handle them. Apply them and have a blissful union.