Funny Wedding Readings For Your Ceremony

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rebeccayale via Instagram

Looking for something funny to add to your wedding ceremony? Funny wedding readings are a great way to add some humor and lighten the mood. Whether you’re looking for something short and sweet or something longer and more in-depth, there are plenty of options out there. From classic literature to modern pop culture, these humorous wedding readings will make your ceremony unforgettable.


Brides Often Ask

Who picks the readings at a wedding?

To make the ceremony more meaningful, couples often choose to include funny wedding readings that bring humor and joy to the occasion. But who chooses these readings? It’s usually up to the couple or their officiant, who can help them pick out a reading that reflects their personalities and values.


Modern Funny Wedding Readings

“Let me put it this way: if you came to lay your sleeping head against my arm or sleeve, and if my arm went dead, or if I had to take my leave at midnight, I should rather cleave it from the joint or seam than make a scene or bring you round. There, how does that sound?” – Simon Armitage

“Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?
Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.” – Albert Einstein

Modern funny wedding readings add a special touch to the ceremony and make it memorable for everyone in attendance. Funny poems are an excellent way to lighten up the atmosphere and make your guests laugh. Whether you’re looking for a short poem or something longer, there are plenty of modern humorous wedding readings that can be used to add some humor to your special day.


Non-Religious Wedding Readings

“I have for the first time found what I can truly love – I have found you. You are my sympathy – my better self – my good angel; I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of life, wraps my existence about you – and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one.” – Charlotte Bronte

“I rely on you like a Skoda needs suspension, like the aged need a pension, like a trampoline needs tension, like a bungee jump needs apprehension.
I rely on you like a camera needs a shutter like a gambler needs a flutter, like a golfer needs a putter like a buttered scone involves some butter.
And I rely on you like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve, like a hairpin needs a drastic curve like an HGV needs endless derv, like an outside left needs a body swerve.
I rely on you like a handyman needs pliers like an auctioneer needs buyers like a laundromat needs driers like The Good Life needed Richard Briers.
And I rely on you like a water vole needs water, like a brick outhouse needs mortar, like a lemming to the slaughter, Ryan’s just Ryan without his daughter. I rely on you.” – Hovis Presley

If you’re opting for a non-religious civil wedding, then you might just need some humorous wedding ceremony readings non-religious to add some sparkle to your day. Use some light-hearted humor to make your day as memorable as possible. Have a wedding, but don’t leave your personality behind. At your wedding ceremony or reception, you can fill your day with fun and laughter with the right collection of hilarious wedding readings. Let the humor guide you.


Religious Wedding Readings

“Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments.
Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds,
or bends with the remover to remove:
Oh, no! It is an ever-fixed mark.
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
it is the star to every wandering bark,
whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool,
though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle’s compass come;
love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
but bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.” – William Shakespeare

“Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
And here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.
Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.

Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!
It’s you who has to work the drill and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do.” – Pam Ayres

As solemn as a religious wedding might sound, you do not have to leave it void of humor. It is possible to have some fun even while saying the most severe things and making the most serious of vows. Such an event should not be held without some fun and laughter. A wedding is a joyous event, and would surely be incomplete without some fun readings for a wedding.


Short Funny Wedding Readings

“I like you a lot.
You’re funny and kind.
So let me explain
What I have in mind.
I want to be your personal penguin.
I want to walk right by your side.
So I want to be your personal penguin.
I want to travel with you far and wide.” – Sandra Boynton

“Pairs of things that go together.
Pigeons with park
Stars with dark
Sand with sea
and you with me.
… Hats with heads
Pillows with beds
Sky with blue
and me with you.” – Charlotte Zolotow

If you are short on time and need humorous wedding readings that are brief but still pack a comical punch, there are quite a number of short and yet humorous wedding readings to choose from. You could even create some of your own, reflecting on the fun or practical parts of your relationship that would give your friends and family some comic relief. It could be the first time you met or something that happened to make you laugh at yourself. It doesn’t have to be mushy, but if it’s short, funny readings for the wedding ceremony then it would be perfect.

Funny Wedding Ceremony Readings From Movies

“I love that you get cold when it’s seventy-one degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour-and-a-half to order a sandwich. And I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” – When Harry Met Sally

“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. The general opinion is starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there — fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the twin towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge — they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.” – Love Actually

Everyone has a number of movies they love and adore. And if you’re a fan of comedies, romance movies, and romcoms, there is no doubt that you have some quotes from some of your favorites, that you’ve been wanting to use. These funny wedding ceremony readings from movies can help you shake off some nerves and show off your personality in the best way while giving your guests a laugh.

You’ve got your nearest and dearest all in one place. Why not give them a few giggles with funny wedding readings that blend in nicely with your wedding program. There are quite a number of funny wedding ceremony readings you can use for the best results, for the most fun and memorable wedding day ever.