The solemn moment is closer than ever. The application lies in the registry office, the wedding dress is ready, the invitations are on their way to the guests, the wedding programs are in order. But are you ready with your beloved to take such a responsible step?
Thus, to see if you are really made for each other, discuss with your partner a few questions before you say «I do».
If you plan to connect life with another person and start living together, you need to deal with the questions to ask before marriage. None of them should be as an excuse for the gap, because love can become a motivation for working on relationships.
Hence, if you uncover problems in advance, you can save your union.
So, Which Questions To Ask Before Marriage And Why For?
First of all, it is important to learn to analyze the reasons why you are going to get married. It is good to bear in mind your main goal to create a lasting and strong relationship. Also, you should bargain for the multitude of questions that so often interfere with the happiness of married couples, and make every effort to resolve them.
Each partner has his own expectations from a future marriage. And in most cases, they do not coincide with the way the second partner sees the joint future. In particular, one of the biggest mistakes that couples make when they decide on a wedding is that they don’t discuss with their mutual expectations. Many begin to talk questions to ask before you get engaged just after the wedding. Then, they get surprised or even disappointed with unexpectedly pop-up problems.
The most things to discuss before marriage are about children, leadership in the family, religious beliefs, financial security, the distribution of the family budget, intimate life, pets, ways to spend leisure time, birthdays celebrations, resolving conflict situations. It is also important to know the answers to several questions regarding your partner’s personal attitude to you. But let’s go in order our 100 questions to ask before marriage.
Children Are The Happy Thing, Or?
One of the most important questions before marriage is «Do you plan to have children and when»? In fact, it is better to discuss this issue before the wedding with a future husband, so that it does not turn out that your plans for family expansion radically diverge.
However, it is not enough to find out if you both want to have children. It is also important to talk frankly and clarify the details. Many quarrels over issues of upbringing. Everyone is sure that he or she is right, ignoring the point of view of the other. Sometimes it is not easy for parents to agree and come to a consensus, but it is necessary to grow up psychologically healthy and well-off children.
- Do you want kids?
- If we are not able to have children, should we accept this?
- Do you want to become parents after the wedding or while you wait with it?
- How do you feel about infertility treatment and adoption if there are difficulties with conception?
- If you have different religious beliefs, how will you raise children?
- What methods of upbringing do you plan to choose: a) just as you were brought up b) radically opposite c) together, both methods?
- What kind of education would you like to give to your children? Do you plan to help them in this? How?
- When we have a baby, who will change diapers, warm bottles, cook, do household chores, bathe a child, get up in the middle of the night, cry for a child, carry a child to a doctor, buy clothes and dress a child?
- What methods of upbringing do you plan to apply to correct the behavior of the child, in adolescence?
- Do you share the same basic values? What patterns of behavior do you want to adopt from parent families and which ones to not?
Who’s The Boss Inda House?
When the husband is chapter seven, it means that the family has patriarchy. And when the woman is the head of the family, this means that the family has the matriarchy. So, what model of family relations will you have? Define this before the wedding, ask your partner following questions:
- If both spouses are by their nature leaders, how to determine who is in charge of the family? Husband or wife?
- Who will be responsible for financial security and family protection?
- Who will have the final say in making important decisions?
- How in our family will be solved the issues of creating and maintaining comfort and coziness in the house?
- How to solve problems constructively without dragging the head of the family over himself?
- Who will be responsible for establishing a microclimate in relations?
- Who will control and implement clear rules adopted in our family?
- How will we determine the strategic and tactical allocation of costs?
- Who will eliminate intra-family conflicts?
- How will we solve supernumerary situations?
Religion And Beliefs
In fact, it may seem that religion does not greatly affect everyday life. Of course, the question of faith is purely individual. But the nuances are also important. A religious question сan be very important to your partner. For instance, we all remember the story of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Poor Katie should not have made a single sound during childbirth, as her husband’s religion did not allow this. So, the reason for the divorce was the actor’s membership at the Scientology sect. There was too much influence on Tom Cruise and their daughter, Suri, shared with Katie Holmes.
Moreover, it is especially difficult when spouses have different religious views or creeds. Usually this question arises before the couple plans to conduct a wedding ceremony. But if you do not think about the wedding, find out everything before the wedding, so that it would not come as a surprise later. Here are other important questions to ask before you get engaged:
- What’s your religion?
- What place does religion take in your life?
- What are the key religious beliefs that have a greater impact on behavior and attitudes?
- How will you celebrate religious holidays?
- Do you intend to visit temples or holy places with children?
- What will happen if one of you becomes more or less religious?
- What is your attitude toward conflicts on religious grounds?
- How do you feel about the religious symbolism in the house?
- What is our difference in religious aspect? Will you be the cause of the conflict in the future? Do our differences complement each other?
- How do you feel about other religions?
Who Brings Home Bacon?
In cave days everything was simple. A man extracts food, a woman sits by the fire. However, in our era, some ladies «get» a lot more food than their husbands. Thus, the issue of honest distribution of roles in the house is much more acute. While you start to decide when to get married, ask your partner whether he/she knows how to use a dishwasher.
- Under what circumstances do you allow borrowing money in debt?
- How much debt do you have at the moment?
- Do you experience stress, with financial difficulties? How did you get used to it?
- How often do you use credit cards?
- Should we prepare our family for the financial crisis?
- Do you think that the unstable financial situation is a weighty reason not to have children?
- Should we give the child in a kindergarten or will one of us babysit?
- Will we have a common family budget?
- Who will pay the bills?
- How do you feel about helping to pay my debt?
Sex is a very important issue. No doubt, there are women who store themselves for one single, but this is not really common nowadays. During this period, the couple already knows what kind of caress they like, where and what erogenous zones they have, in what poses they like to have sex. It’s one thing when partners are insatiable to each other, and quite another, when one of them does not want to get out of bed. How long do you think this relationship will last?
First of all, spare yourself from a sleepless night before the wedding. This may seem fun questions to ask your fiancé before you get married. Nevertheless, you need to ask them before the celebration. No matter sooner or later all these questions will appear in your head.
- If we exclude the physical attraction from our relationship, what will remain?
- What is the best way to prove to you that I love you?
- If I gain superfluous kilograms, will it affect our sexual relations? If so, how?
- Is it important for you to know that I’m/not virgin? Why? Or why not?
- What are my actions that make you doubt my love?
- What do you consider sexually unattractive? What repels you of sex?
- How dramatically will our relationship change if, for medical reasons, we cannot have sex?
- What do you think the love means: a) you never need to apologize; b) one always needs to apologize; c) know when to apologize; d) always apologize first?
- Is there something in your past sexual life that I should know about?
- Is it comfortable for you to stay with me in a relationship, knowing that there are things from my past sexual life that I’m not ready to share with you?
Someone starts an animal at home with a specific purpose, such as dogs for house protection, and cats to protect against rodents. And someone just wants to have a disinterestedly loving being around. Therefore, here you go with questions to consider before the wedding.
- Do you like pets?
- What kind of pets do you prefer?
- Why do you need a pet?
- What is the preference for their choice from each partner?
- Are you allergic to any pet?
- Who will take care of pets?
- How many pets do you not mind to have?
- Are you afraid of any kind of pets?
- How much money are you willing to spend on keeping pets?
- Can you compromise on the choice of pets?
Time Together And Apart
Of course, it is likely that you will not want to change each other’s companies during the first year. But in the future, you will want to communicate with the outer world. Thus, it is necessary to find out how your partner will react to this. And it’s also best to get to know each other’s friends in advance. For instance, tell me who is your friend and I’ll tell you who you are. Remember?
Many partners have clear ideas about how “married people” behave. And sometimes these ideas are very different. So these are very important questions to ask before marriage.
- Do you plan to change your habitual way of life after the wedding? That is, will you spend as much time with your friends, family and co-workers? Why or why not?
- Set life priorities, in order of importance: work, children, wife, parents, personal time, friends, hobbies. Add something that is missing.
- You can have many friends in common, but what about your personal friends and your partner’s friends?
- After you get married, would you like to meet your friends as often as you do now?
- Do you plan to change your habitual way of life after marriage?
- Will you spend as much time with your friends, family and co-workers? Why or why not?
- How will we plan our vacation, rest?
- Are there any entertainments from which you will have to refuse to marry me, and regret it?
- What do you prefer: a) flexible working hours; b) full time job; c) working day with irregular schedule?
- How do you react if I have to leave to: a) visit relatives; b) on business trips, on working issues; c) on issues related to my favorite hobby; d) cope with stress?
Down With Conflicts Now
You have to be sure: the partner will do everything possible to overcome the difficulties in the relationship. For example, when one develops depression or anxiety disorder, the second partner often closes his eyes, preferring to ignore the disease.
Also, you need to discuss expectations about ourselves, partner and marriage in general and after the wedding return to this conversation. At some point, you may begin to experience disappointment, anger, or fear. Consequently, discontent will begin to creep into the relationship. Thus, it is important to notice this in time and talk with a partner. Set the bar for marriage and discuss whether the course you are moving before you get your marriage license.
- Whenever we will experience negative emotions to each other, how should we solve it: a) keep silent; b) talk about the problem immediately; c) to cool down before to start a conversation?
- If your words are getting louder than actions, how do I draw your attention to this problem?
- What does your admiration for the relationship of your parents?
- How can I express my negative emotions better so as not to offend your feelings?
- Who should start the talk first?
- In what situations, you do not want to talk to me?
- Do you think you can talk to me about any problem under any circumstances?
- If we start having problems, will you go with me to the therapist to solve them?
- When you need a personal space, you will leave me?
- Do you think that the family should be preserved under any circumstances, even if it makes you unhappy?
Holidays And Birthdays
Holidays are always about memories from childhood and traditions. It may seem that this topic is not so significant. However, it often becomes a cause of discomfort if we have to spend holidays quite differently from how we used to spend them before living together. You may find that your partner assumes that you will celebrate the holidays together, and you would, for example, want to go to your parents. It is important to discuss these issues in advance so that the holidays do not turn into days of endless quarrels.
- How would you like to celebrate holidays and birthdays?
- What festive traditions are there in your family?
- What holidays do you always celebrate?
- How did you use to celebrate birthdays?
- What is your view on birthday gifts?
- Do you like to give expensive gifts or more practical and necessary ones?
- Do you visit your parents on their birthdays?
- Is it customary in your family to invite parents for your birthday celebrations?
- Do you prefer lush or reserved celebrations?
- What are your favorite holidays?
10 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Marriage
In general, engagement and marriage are one of the most important psychological changes in the life of any woman. In anticipation of these joyous changes, each of us asked, or else ask ourselves the question “why am I doing this?”. Naturally, these thoughts distract from the immediate planning of the wedding event. Therefore, let’s pay attention in the order to the main moments that make women nervous before the wedding, and try to prepare psychologically for the solemn event. To emotionally prepare yourself for the wedding, answer these 10 questions before marriage:
- Do you love this person?
- Will I be able to keep on my lifestyle?
- Are you ready to sacrifice some of your personal space?
- Can you get along with the bad habits of a partner?
- Is he/she the person you are ready to believe in any mystery with?
- Are you ready to move in with him or her?
- You are ready for the fact that you will have new relatives?
- Are you ready to be with him/her during difficult hours?
- Your sex life is so good that you are ready to sleep with him for the rest of your life, only with him and no one else?
- Do you expect any changes from your partner after marriage?
As you can see, these are very important moments. Therefore, before going to the crown, it is necessary to discuss not only the organizational moments like plan bridal shower but also other important life aspects. We truly hope that our list of questions will help you build your joint life!
Related post: When To Get Married: 4 Signs You’re Ready
Check our infographic about important questions you should ask before getting married: